THE TEN BEST WAYS TO HELP YOUR KINDERGARTENER
SUCCEED IN SCHOOL. PARENTS’TO DO
LISTS.
Found this at
Really this article
will give insight and enlighten parents out there.... maybe in our daily busy
life we as parents forget that we also play a very important role in making
our child’s future a successful journey.
The current situation
shows that most of us thought that after we invested sums of money, the
responsibility can be transferred to the chosen kindergarten. That’s totally
wrong...
Parent's to-do list.
By Ann E. LaForge
1. Encourage reading in any
way you can
2. Treat your child as though he's an author
3. Make math part of her everyday life
4. Teach your child how to listen
5. Support your child's teacher and the school rules
6. Tell the teacher everything
7. Make sure your child is ready for school
8. Spend time in your child's classroom
9. Encourage responsibility and independence
10. Ask your child about school every day
2. Treat your child as though he's an author
3. Make math part of her everyday life
4. Teach your child how to listen
5. Support your child's teacher and the school rules
6. Tell the teacher everything
7. Make sure your child is ready for school
8. Spend time in your child's classroom
9. Encourage responsibility and independence
10. Ask your child about school every day
1. Encourage reading in
any way you can
There is no way to overestimate the importance of reading. It not only enhances learning in all of the other subject areas, it exposes children to a wealth of information and experiences they might not otherwise enjoy. It stimulates the imagination, nourishes emotional growth, builds verbal skills, and influences analyzing and thinking. In fact, according to every teacher I spoke to, reading to or with your child every day is the single most important thing you can do.
There is no way to overestimate the importance of reading. It not only enhances learning in all of the other subject areas, it exposes children to a wealth of information and experiences they might not otherwise enjoy. It stimulates the imagination, nourishes emotional growth, builds verbal skills, and influences analyzing and thinking. In fact, according to every teacher I spoke to, reading to or with your child every day is the single most important thing you can do.
But you shouldn't
worry so much about how well your child is reading in any particular grade.
Different children acquire reading skills at different ages and in different
ways. And you can't force a child who's not ready to start reading.
But you can promote a
love of reading by giving your child lots of fun experiences with print at
whatever level she's in. Here are some reading milestones you should look for
now (of course, your child's skill level may vary), and specific tips on how to
help.
MILESTONE 1: Your child enjoys looking at books and being read
to, but doesn't realize that the print — not the pictures or the reader — tells
the story.
How to help:
• Have your child
dictate stories or letters to you. Write them down exactly as he says them, and
read them back to him, pointing to the words as you read.
• Read lots of
short, simple books aloud, including alphabet books.
• Reread your
child's favorite books as often as she asks (even if it starts to drive you
crazy).
• Leave magnetic
letters on the refrigerator for your child to fool around with.
• Talk about the
sounds different letters make.
• Give alphabet
puzzles, alphabet blocks, and books to your child for birthday gifts and other
special occasions.
• Make an
audiotape of yourself reading your child's favorite book, so she can listen to
it while looking at the book, when you're not around.
MILESTONE 2: Your child pretends to read simple, repetitive
books using his memory.
How to help:
• Point to words
as you read books, lists, labels, cards, signs, and even cereal boxes to your
child.
• Let him finish
a familiar sentence in a book, or say a word that's frequently repeated in a
story every time you point to it (as in "Go, Dog. Go" or "Green Eggs and Ham").
• Tape word
labels (such as "door," "chair," or "bed") on
different objects around the house, or in your child's room.
• Teach your
child to read her first name by writing it for her, labeling her belongings,
and having her outline the letters (for a sign in her room) with beans, beads,
crayons, or other art materials.
MILESTONE 3: Your child realizes that individual printed
words represent individual spoken words and begins to recognize and read a few
— such as dog, car, and no, plus his own name.
How to help:
• Read together
every day.
• Encourage your
child to point to words as he "reads" a book.
• Help her learn
to write and identify upper- and lowercase letters.
• Teach him how to spell and write familiar words and
names.
• Play
word-related games (as in: "I'm going to eat something on this table that
begins with the letter B. Can you guess what it is?" or "Let's say
all the words we can think of that start with the letter T").
• Together, come
up with a list of short, simple words that rhyme (such as bat, cat, sat, rat,
hat). Write them down in a column, so your child can see how part of each word
is similar.
MILESTONE 4: Your child can read simple, repetitive books
using the text or illustrations to figure out unfamiliar words.
How to help:
• Read a new book
aloud several times before encouraging your child to tackle it on his own.
• Listen to your
child read and help — if asked — with problem words. Act like it's no big deal
if he misses some. Concentrate, instead, on making the experience fun.
• If your child
misses a lot of words while reading, and starts acting frustrated, offer to
take over the reading, or choose an easier book. Never force your child to read
a book that's too hard just because his friends can read it, or his sister
could when she was his age.
• Help your child
write and read his own stories and books. Accept whatever spellings she uses,
even if it's only the initial letters of each word.
• Get your child
her own library card.
2. Treat your child as though he's an
author
He doesn't have to be Hemingway or Shakespeare. All he has to do is grow up thinking that he can put thoughts and words onto paper. And the sooner he starts, the better.
He doesn't have to be Hemingway or Shakespeare. All he has to do is grow up thinking that he can put thoughts and words onto paper. And the sooner he starts, the better.
As with reading, you
can help in different ways, at different stages of development. Look for these
milestones, and use these tips:
MILESTONE 1: Your child can scribble or draw a picture and
associate words with the picture (such as, "This is the sun" or
"This is me").
How to help:
• Provide lots of
materials (paper, markers, crayons, paints, chalk, etc.) and time for drawing.
• Ask your child
to tell you about the pictures she draws, and label the objects as she points
them out.
• Ask your child
to dictate stories or poems to go with the pictures he draws, and write them
down for him. Then, read his work aloud, exactly as he dictated it.
MILESTONE 2: Your child begins to produce marks on a page
that resemble written words, and can "read" you what he's written.
How to help:
• Encourage your
child to "read" you his words, and express your enjoyment ("What
a wonderful story!" or "Thank you so much for sharing that with
me").
• Keep providing
the materials and time for your child to write her own stories and books.
• Write stories
and poems alongside your child, and read to her what you've written (even if
you think it's awful — your child won't judge it).
MILESTONE 3: Your child understands that sounds are
represented by certain letters, and begins to write actual letters to represent
real words ("sn" for sun, for instance).
How to help:
• Encourage your
child to write notes, keep a journal, or write her own books.
• Offer to
rewrite his words or sentences, using the real spellings.
• When reading
together, point out how most sentences have the first letter of the first word
capitalized, spaces between each separate word, and a period at the end.
• Mention who the
author is when you read books together, and talk about what authors (and
illustrators) do. Point out that when your child writes stories, he's an
author, too.
3. Make math part of her everyday life
Leave the flashcards, workbooks, and other skill-and-drill stuff to the teacher. At home, the best way to help your child learn to love math is to play with numbers, and to frequently point out the various ways in which math makes our lives easier. By working with tangible objects, and counting, sorting, estimating, measuring, looking for patterns, and solving real-life problems, children learn to think in mathematical terms, without worrying whether or not they're "smart enough" to do math.
Leave the flashcards, workbooks, and other skill-and-drill stuff to the teacher. At home, the best way to help your child learn to love math is to play with numbers, and to frequently point out the various ways in which math makes our lives easier. By working with tangible objects, and counting, sorting, estimating, measuring, looking for patterns, and solving real-life problems, children learn to think in mathematical terms, without worrying whether or not they're "smart enough" to do math.
Almost anything you do
that involves numbers and/or problem solving will build your child's math
skills. Here are just a few ideas to get you started:
• Have your child
set the table (counting and sorting the sets of plates, napkins, cups, and
silverware).
• Post a running
countdown of the days until her birthday. Let her change the number each day.
• Challenge him
to guess at things, and then find the answers. For example: How many bowls of
cereal do you think we can get out of this box? How many M&Ms do you think
are in your (snack size) bag? How many minutes do you think it will take to
clear off the table? Which of these cups do you think will hold more juice?
• Play a copycat
game, where one person creates a pattern (pat your head, touch your knee, clap three
times) and the other person has to repeat the pattern three times in a row.
• Ask your child
to help you create a pattern for a quilt square or an abstract picture using
markers and paper; construction paper in different colors, cut into square,
triangle, and other shapes; or shapes cut out of different fabrics.
• Ask your child
to measure things in non-traditional units. For example: Let's see how many
footsteps it takes to get from here to the door. Why do you think it's more for
you and fewer for me? How many action figures (or Barbie dolls) long is this
table?
• Have your child
compare things: Which do you think is heavier — a cookie or ten chocolate
chips? Who do you think is taller, mom or dad? Which carrot is longer? Fatter?
Crunchier?
• Give your child
problems to solve — and let her work them out by touching and counting actual
objects. For example: I have four cookies here, but two people want to eat
them. How many should each person get? If we invite six kids to your birthday
party, and put two candy bars in each kid's treat bag, how many of these candy
bars will we need?
Teachers who've been around for 15 or more years say they've seen a definite decline in children's attention spans and listening skills since they first started teaching. Many of them attribute it not only to the fast and entertaining pace of television and computer games, but to the fact that many children today don't have a lot of time to just sit around, listening and talking to family members. Between parents' jobs and children's after-school activities, it's hard, sometimes, to get everyone in the same room for a family dinner once a week.
But being able to focus on what other
people are saying is an important element in learning. So, whenever
possible, try to build your child's listening skills. Here are some strategies
that will help:
• Read aloud to
your child on a regular basis — even after she has learned to read by herself.
Ask questions as you read, to make sure your child is understanding what she
hears.
• Limit
television, computer, and video game time. While they're all entertaining, and
can even be educational, they tend to promote tunnel vision. Make sure the time
your child spends in front of a screen is balanced by time spent with other
people, talking face to face.
• When you speak
to your child, make eye
contact and gently touch his shoulder or arm, to secure his attention.
• When giving
directions, ask your child to repeat back to you what she heard you say — to
make sure she really did hear, and does understand what she needs to do.
• Model good listening behaviours.
When your child wants to talk to you, for example, stop what you're doing and
look at him while he's speaking. When he's finished, say something that
indicates you heard him, even if you only repeat back what he said.
• Play talking
and listening games with your child like Charades, Red Light/Green Light, Duck,
Duck, Goose, and Twenty Questions.
• Teach your
child that even if an adult is saying something he finds boring, he still needs
to listen, look at the
person, and show respect.
• Spend time with
your child doing quiet activities that encourage conversation, such as taking a
walk together, taking a ride in the car, folding laundry, picking strawberries,
etc.
This are very (3000x) true. Maybe kids nowadays are not getting full
attention of parents, so they talk all the times so that they can be heard.
5. Support your child's teacher and the
school rules
Even if you don't agree with them. It doesn't do any child any good to hear her parents say that school is "a waste of time," that school rules are "dumb," or that what she's learning is "stupid" or "useless." Your child doesn't have a choice about going to school, so she might as well feel good about where she's spending her time. She'll be more motivated to work hard and succeed if she thinks you think that what she's doing is worthwhile.
Even if you don't agree with them. It doesn't do any child any good to hear her parents say that school is "a waste of time," that school rules are "dumb," or that what she's learning is "stupid" or "useless." Your child doesn't have a choice about going to school, so she might as well feel good about where she's spending her time. She'll be more motivated to work hard and succeed if she thinks you think that what she's doing is worthwhile.
So even if a school
rule seems silly or unfair to you, or you think your child's teacher is dead
wrong about something, don't make a big issue about it in front of your child. Instead, take your concerns straight to the
source.
The key steps toward
resolution
The best way to approach a problem or disagreement involving the school is to:
The best way to approach a problem or disagreement involving the school is to:
• Make an
appointment to see or speak to the teacher. For minor problems and concerns, a telephone conference may be
sufficient. But if you feel the issue merits more serious discussion, arrange
to meet with the teacher face to face. Don't try to corner her before or after
school, when her attention is on the students. Instead, shoot for a time when
she can give you her full attention, and is less likely to be stressed or
tense.
• Consider
carefully what you want to say before you visit the school. Write down a list of your concerns, and why they're
concerns. Let your list rest for a while, and then go back to it, when you're
feeling calm and rational. Try to frame all of your concerns in the most
positive light possible, so you won't immediately put the teacher on the
defensive. For example, instead of saying, "You're not doing anything to
help my child improve in reading," you should shoot for: "I'm really
concerned about my child's progress in reading. I wanted to check in with you
to see if there's anything else that can be done, at school and at home, to
help her move forward."
If necessary, practice your spiel in front of a third party, to make sure you don't sound too threatening. You may feel like blasting the teacher; you may even have good reason to do so. But your child will not benefit in any way if you alienate her teacher. Try to remember that the best school solutions come when teacher and parent act as a team.
If necessary, practice your spiel in front of a third party, to make sure you don't sound too threatening. You may feel like blasting the teacher; you may even have good reason to do so. But your child will not benefit in any way if you alienate her teacher. Try to remember that the best school solutions come when teacher and parent act as a team.
• When you
meet with the teacher, voice your concerns in the least threatening, most
friendly tone you can muster. If you lose your temper, you may lose the chance to be taken
seriously. Remind yourself that your goal is to help your child, not blow off
steam. If possible, bring tangible evidence to back up your side of the story.
• Prepare to
listen to the teacher's side. There may be mitigating factors of which you're unaware; you may
have gotten the wrong information from your child; there may be a
miscommunication that's complicating the issue. Try to be — and act —
open-minded.
• If you and
the teacher cannot come to a mutually satisfying solution, enlist the principal
(or the school's psychologist, or a learning specialist). "I appreciate what you're saying, but I'm
still concerned," you might say. "I'd feel more comfortable if I got
another opinion on the matter. I'd like to meet with the principal." Or,
if you're afraid the teacher will take her anger at you out on your child (this
shouldn't happen, but it could), request an anonymous meeting with the
principal. If the second meeting doesn't help, the next step is to contact the
superintendent. But only you can decide whether or not that's necessary.
Sometimes you just
have to accept a less-than-perfect teacher or classroom situation. In most
cases, it won't do permanent damage to your child, and it may even help him develop
some healthy coping skills. Also, sometimes things that upset parents about
school don't really bother the students. So you may want to talk to your child
first, before forging ahead with a complaint, or requesting a transfer for your
child. In some cases, moving a child from one classroom to another mid-year
would be worse — from the child's point of view — than having him stick it out
with a weak teacher.
On the other hand, you
shouldn't feel intimidated by school personnel. If you feel you have a legitimate
complaint (or if your child's health, safety, or welfare is at stake), and your
gut keeps telling you to fight for your child, you should do that. Just try to
remember, at every step of the way, that the less hostility you communicate,
the more likely people will be to listen carefully to your concerns, and work
toward a mutually acceptable solution. Let the power of persistence — rather
than the impact of aggression — carry your case.
If the teacher calls
you
The steps outlined above should also be followed if the teacher calls you to discuss problems your child is causing at school. Even if you think the teacher is wrong, or your child insists that she's innocent, go into the conference with your mind open and your demeanor calm and friendly. Most teachers aren't "out to get" their students; they genuinely want to make the child's school year a success.
The steps outlined above should also be followed if the teacher calls you to discuss problems your child is causing at school. Even if you think the teacher is wrong, or your child insists that she's innocent, go into the conference with your mind open and your demeanor calm and friendly. Most teachers aren't "out to get" their students; they genuinely want to make the child's school year a success.
Ha HA HAH....This one i experienced a lot....Such common mistakes
make by parents....I don’t know what they think of themselves or from where
they get this kind of to do things...I’m sure not from his parents or great
great grandparents...some of the common dialogue:
! "Dont worry,,,i will meet your teacher so that she wont
........bla..bla...bla.....blah."
Notes for parents:
-Please don’t ever do
this...As a Muslim or Asian I’m sure that our culture taught us to be
respectful of teachers.
-Remember that your child
needs to learn and adapt to the social environment.......that is the main
reason you sent her to school if not than you better just homeschooling your
child.
That is, everything that's happening at home that might affect how your child behaves in school. That includes positive changes (such as the birth of a baby, a move to a bigger and better house, or even a vacation to Disney World), as well as negative ones (a separation or divorce, a death or illness in the family, a parent who's lost a job).
It's not that teachers
are nosy. It's that most children are not terribly skilled at handling
excitement or coping with changes or stress. And they all carry their baggage
from home into the classroom. Even something little, like a fight with a
sibling in the car on the way to school, can affect a child's behavior or
performance at school.
If a teacher knows
there's a problem or change at home, she's less likely to react inappropriately
when behavior goes awry at school. Under normal circumstances, for instance, a
dip in grades might prompt a teacher to suggest extra help or tutoring. If she
knows that the child just got a new baby brother, however, she might react
instead by pulling the child aside and inviting her to talk about how she's
feeling now that she's a big sister.
You needn't go into
all of the gory details of what's happening at home, either. All the teacher
expects to hear is, "I just wanted to let you know that we're moving to a
new house next week, and Allan is pretty nervous about the whole thing" or
"If Sheila seems a little hyper these days it's because her aunt is taking
her to her first Broadway play this weekend."
What else do teachers
want to know?
• How your
child feels about school: Is she unhappy? Does
she think it's too hard? Is she complaining about it at home? Or does she like
it? Is there some special activity that she really enjoyed? Does she talk about
the things she learns in school? Most teachers would rather hear about problems
sooner than later, so they can work on turning things around as quickly as
possible. They — like the rest of us — also appreciate a kind or encouraging word
now and then. So don't forget to mention the good stuff.
• How your
child feels about school friends: Is she making any? Does she feel like a part of the class — or
an outcast? Is she being teased or harassed? Is she too shy to make new
friends? Does she need to branch out from her one best friend and get to know
other kids? In elementary school, there is still a lot teachers can do to mold
social relationships. But they need to know what the problem is before they can
start to solve it.
• What your
child's special passions are: Sometimes, a child who is a reluctant reader can be drawn to
books that speak to a special interest, such as sports, or pirates, or ice
skating, or animals. Or, a desire to write may be stimulated by an invitation
to describe one of the subjects your child loves. Let the teacher know if there
is something that really motivates your child, so she can capitalize on it in
the classroom.
• What your
child's special needs are: That includes anything
from allergies to phobias, physical or medical conditions, learning problems or
preferences, special talents, emotional concerns, and behavioral patterns. If
you think an issue might come up in these or other areas, let the teacher know.
7. Make sure your child is ready for
school
All through elementary school, it's the parent's job to make sure a child:
All through elementary school, it's the parent's job to make sure a child:
• Gets to bed
at a reasonable hour. That means around 7:30
to 8 p.m. Children who regularly go to bed later on school nights have a hard
time keeping up in school, teachers say. They end up being tired and grouchy,
they're more likely to have behavioral problems, and they aren't able to
fulfill their academic potential. Even sleep specialists are now beginning to
believe that certain behavioral and learning problems among children are the
result of undetected sleep deprivation.
The bottom line is that a good night's sleep is the best guarantee of a pleasant and productive day at school.
The bottom line is that a good night's sleep is the best guarantee of a pleasant and productive day at school.
• Eats a
filling and nutritious breakfast. Children who skip breakfast may not feel hungry when they first
get to school, but according to teachers, they usually hit a slump around
mid-morning and can't keep their minds on schoolwork, until sometime after
lunch.
If your child doesn't like the traditional foods kids eat for breakfast, let him eat what he does like. There's nothing nutritionally wrong with eating pizza or a peanut butter sandwich in the morning. Or, if all else fails, send him to school with a breakfast bar and a box of juice, so he can getsomething in his belly before the first bell rings.
If your child doesn't like the traditional foods kids eat for breakfast, let him eat what he does like. There's nothing nutritionally wrong with eating pizza or a peanut butter sandwich in the morning. Or, if all else fails, send him to school with a breakfast bar and a box of juice, so he can getsomething in his belly before the first bell rings.
• Wears the
proper clothes for both the day's activities and the weather. A kid who goes to school without mittens, a
hat, or boots in the winter may have to sit inside for recess while her
classmates spend their excess energy on the playground. A child who doesn't
have shorts and sneakers on gym day may end up sitting on the sidelines, while
everyone else is running around having fun.
Children don't always have the best judgment when it comes to protective clothing. (If it's warm in the house, they assume it's going to be warm outside, for example.) And they don't always remember which days they have gym or other special activities. So it's up to you to tell your child what to expect in terms of weather, and what to wear — or at least bring — to school.
Children don't always have the best judgment when it comes to protective clothing. (If it's warm in the house, they assume it's going to be warm outside, for example.) And they don't always remember which days they have gym or other special activities. So it's up to you to tell your child what to expect in terms of weather, and what to wear — or at least bring — to school.
• Labels all
belongings. That includes his
backpack, lunch box, books, school supplies, art smock — and any other piece of
clothing or personal item that might somehow get separated from him during the
school day.
• Has a lunch
or lunch money. Most children aren't thinking
about lunch when they run out to meet the bus or jump in the car in the
morning. It's your job to either make it, take it, or remind your child to
remember about lunch.
• Puts her
homework in her backpack, to bring to school.
• Remembers to
bring special supplies for special days.There's nothing more devastating to
a young child than to be the only kid who forgot his teddy bear on the day the
class was having a teddy bear picnic at school. Or to show up on picture day
wearing his rattiest clothes. These are the kinds of details most kids (and
parents) have a hard time remembering. So it's your job to find a way to help
you both stay on top of teacher requests. Hang up a big calendar with important
dates circled in red, for instance, or put up post-it notes on the bathroom
mirror the night before a special day at school.
• Knows
exactly who will pick her up and what will happen when the school day ends. Children will worry all day long if they don't
know what to expect when that final bell rings. So remind your child when she's
leaving home: "I'll see you at the corner when the bus drops you off at
three p.m." If you anticipate any change in the daily
routine, or in the person greeting your child after school, make sure you give
plenty of notice.
• Gets to
school on time — every day. Chronic lateness is
not only disruptive to the entire class, it can make a child feel out-of-step
all day. Plus, it sends a message that school is not important enough to be on
time for.
8. Spend time in your child's classroom
Even if it's only once a year, and you have to take a half-day off from work to do it. All children get a real thrill when they see their parent in their classroom. It sends a powerful message that you care about your child, and about her education.
Even if it's only once a year, and you have to take a half-day off from work to do it. All children get a real thrill when they see their parent in their classroom. It sends a powerful message that you care about your child, and about her education.
Seeing the classroom
firsthand is also the best way for you to get a perspective on what and how the
teacher is teaching, what kinds of challenges the teacher is facing, what the
class chemistry is, how your child fits in within the group, and how she interacts
with specific peers. Plus, it will give you a better idea of the kinds of
questions you should ask to draw your child out when talking about school.
In most schools, you
don't need an excuse to visit the classroom. Just ask the teacher if you can
come in and observe. If you want an excuse, volunteer. Teachers are always
looking for parents to:
• Share expertise
in a particular subject area related to your job or hobbies
• Read to
children
• Conduct writing
workshops, or help children "publish" their books
• Tutor kids who
need extra help, or work with a small group of advanced students in math or
other subjects
• Chaperone field
trips
• Sew costumes
for a school play, bake cupcakes for a party, or cut out paper shapes for a
class project
• Type up a classroom
newsletter or literary magazine
If you have lots of
time to give, you might consider:
• Being a
"class parent" (the person who acts as a liaison between the teacher
and the other parents — rounding up chaperones for school trips, for instance,
or finding volunteers to bake for the class bake sales)
• Being a
playground monitor
• Joining the
school's parent/teacher association
• Joining the
principal's school advisory committee (if there is one)
• Running for
your local school board
At the very least, you
should plan to make time to attend:
• Special events
to which parents are invited (a Mother's Day brunch, prepared by the children,
for instance; or a Writer's Tea, at which children read their stories aloud to
their parents)
• Special school
events, such as the annual Holiday Show or Spring Musical
• The school's
annual open house
• All of the
scheduled parent/teacher conferences
9. Encourage
responsibility and independence
Both of these are essential to independent learning. And both will make it easier for your child to adjust to the demands of school, and get along with his teacher and classmates. So, whenever possible, let your child do things for himself — and for others.
Both of these are essential to independent learning. And both will make it easier for your child to adjust to the demands of school, and get along with his teacher and classmates. So, whenever possible, let your child do things for himself — and for others.
For example, encourage
him to:
• Play an
active role in getting ready for school. That includes picking out school clothes (preferably the night
before), getting up on time (using an alarm clock, if necessary), getting
dressed, washing up and brushing his teeth, getting his own breakfast ready,
making up his bed, and checking to make sure he has everything he needs in his
backpack. Once your child is physically capable of doing these things, let him
take charge. If necessary, make him a checklist to help him remember everything
that needs to be done.
• Develop a
homework routine. While there's no set
formula, it will help if your child has a regular time and place to do her
homework each day. That way she's less likely to forget to do it, and less
likely to fight about doing it "later on."
• Unpack his
own backpack. Teach him that as soon
as he gets home from school, he should unpack his backpack, put his homework
materials in his homework place, and hand you (or put in a special place) any
newsletters, notes from the teacher, papers to sign, or special work he's
brought home. Then he can watch TV, or have his snack, or do
whatever else is planned.
If you make this part of a daily routine, you're less likely to be hit during the morning rush with, "Oh, no! I'm supposed to bring in cupcakes for the party today" or "Today's the day you're supposed to come to school for our science fair."
If you make this part of a daily routine, you're less likely to be hit during the morning rush with, "Oh, no! I'm supposed to bring in cupcakes for the party today" or "Today's the day you're supposed to come to school for our science fair."
• Pick up her
own mess. That includes toys
scattered on the living room floor, bikes, and roller skates left out on the
driveway, and wet towels left cold and lonely on the bathroom floor. It may take
longer and require more effort for you to insist that your child pick things up
herself, but in the long run it's better for her than having you always do it.
In school, she won't have a choice.
• Get involved
in family meals. Young children can set
the table or help with the grocery list.
• Perform
regular chores that benefit the entire family. Even little things like taking out the trash
regularly will help your child see herself as part of a larger family team. It
will also build her sense of competence and confidence.
10. Ask your child about school every
day
It isn't always easy to get the scoop on school from your own child. If you ask a perfectly normal, sincere question like, "What did you do at school today?", you're likely to get the classic response: "Nothing."
It isn't always easy to get the scoop on school from your own child. If you ask a perfectly normal, sincere question like, "What did you do at school today?", you're likely to get the classic response: "Nothing."
One reason is that so
many things happen in the classroom that it's hard for the average child to
answer a question like that. She can't remember everything she did, and even if
she could, she wouldn't know where to start. It doesn't help to ask, "What
did you learn at school today?" or "How was school today?"
either. Both will elicit one-word answers ("Nothing" or
"Fine"), because they're too broad and too vague for most children to
process.
But it's still
important to ask about school, because it teaches your child that school is
important, and that you really are interested in her life. So how can you get
your child to open up? Here's what other parents say really works:
• Don't ask
too soon. "When my son gets
off the bus, the last thing he wants to do is talk about school," says
parent Mary Mitchell. "He's too busy thinking about playing with his toys
or visiting his friends. So I've learned to let him chill out and play awhile
before asking any questions."
• Develop a
ritual. "For some reason,
the only time my 5-year-old son, Jack, really opens up about school is when
he's taking a bath," says mother Tamara Eberlein. "So every night,
when he gets into the tub, my husband sits with him for ten or fifteen minutes,
and Jack tells him everything that happened at school. He really looks forward
to that time with his father."
"For my son, the magic moment is bedtime," says parent Charles James. "He's probably just trying to stall me, so he can stay up later. But when he's all tucked in and the lights are off, I hear the most detailed descriptions about school."
"For my son, the magic moment is bedtime," says parent Charles James. "He's probably just trying to stall me, so he can stay up later. But when he's all tucked in and the lights are off, I hear the most detailed descriptions about school."
• Ask specific
questions. "I get the best
responses when I ask my son about something I'm pretty sure he did at school
that day," says parent Julie Ritzer Ross. For instance: "Did the
teacher read any new books today? Did you learn any new songs during music
class? Who sat next to you at lunch?" The more specific you can be, the
better.
• Read
everything the teacher sends home. "The notes and newsletters that come home in my son's backpack
are really the most reliable sources of information," says Charles James.
"I find out what my son is learning about, what's coming up in terms of
special events or field trips, what kind of help the teacher could use in the
classroom, and what I can do at home to reinforce what my son is learning in
school. It's not always easy to find time to read them, but it's worth the
effort because it helps me fill in the blanks from conversations with my
son."
• Give your
child space. Some children like to
think of school as their own private world, where their parents and siblings
can't intrude. If your child is like that, don't push. Let him know you're
interested in his school day, and let him approach you if he has anything
really important to share. Then stay in touch behind the scenes with the
teacher, to make sure everything's going okay.
